How to almost get beaten up at McDonalds

I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut – although I have to say, I don’t regret this latest near-death experience.

I was second in line at a McDonalds the other day when the gent in front of me became very short with the lady behind the counter. English was clearly not her first language and he applied the well understood phenomenon that if a language barrier is keeping someone from understanding you, yelling the phrase louder will help the situation. After completely loosing his cool and using a few profanities, one of the other clerks explained in Spanish what the fellow wanted and the very embarrassed lady went off to make it. He then turned to me and the following conversation ensued:

Impatient, Impolite, Bastard: Can you believe this f**king s**t!
Nicholas: How’s your Spanish?
IIB: What?
N: How well do you speak Spanish?
IIB: I don’t speak Spanish.
N: (smirking) Well – then it looks like she’s got you beaten.
IIB: (Growing upset) This is America – we speak English here!
N: Where does it say that?
IIB: Where does it say what!?
N: Where does it say that in America, we speak English?
IIB: In the f**king constitution!
N: Really? Which article?
IIB: I don’t f**king know!
N: Right – see, I’ll make you a deal. If you can point to the place in the constitution, or for that matter any other federal document which declares English to be the national language of America…I’ll buy your lunch.
IIB: Go f**k yourself.
N: I’ll do my best – your hamburger is here – Vaya con Dios.

It’s just a matter of time until one of these lands me in the emergency room, isn’t it?